It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
