is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
