Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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