Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
