i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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