Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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