Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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