You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
