Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
