Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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