I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
