ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
