life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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