if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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