I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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