If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
