I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
