what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
