He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just puked most of my soul out..
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