Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
