Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
