Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Life is so much better after having sex.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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