you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
