This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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