Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
