I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
