Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
