You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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