My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
More tranny stories later!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
