I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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