I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
