Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Randomize
