i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hippo gnu deer
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
