I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
