Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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