R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
