I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
