; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
