well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
