That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
