Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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