please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
