just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
