She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
