College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
