I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
