Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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