Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
