she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
