So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
