I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
